my most debilitating conditions are mental health.
I haven’t written in here consistently for a month. Why? I have very deep situational depression. Whether that’s a thing or not, the ass of the rat I do not give – that’s what I’m calling it.
I ended up falling sick a little over a month ago and it had begun to sap me of physical and emotional well-being. When I finally crashed and required hospitalization, I was given a very powerful antibiotic that interacted with my medications and gave me serotonin syndrome. This seriously affected my mental health by plunging me into a deep, moody depressing state. It’s hard to do anything when illness is not the only foe in the arena.
It also caused me to need to move constantly. Uncontrollably. I had no ability to stop the moving nor initiate it. I also swapped between the Sahara Desert and Oymyakon – often freezing in my own sweat.
Once released from the hospital, I was responsible for administering my IV medications and antibiotics. Which was weird because every single time I spiked the bag of Zyvox – I felt it pierce my soul. I was draining my happiness day-after-day and it was an exhausting reality.
For 19 days, five times a day, and eight cumulative hours connected to an IV pole – that is the berth that I was given for my mental health to roam and graze. The space within my apartment limited by the length of the tubing connected to the bag swaying from the pole.
I was inconsolably depressed for a few weeks. Notwithstanding the fact that the antibiotic I was given causes suicidal thoughts, it was a very difficult few weeks to navigate.
Needless to say, the antibiotics concluded two days ago, my IV was deaccessed and the needle was removed – yay! My mood improved immediately. Only twelve hours after concluding the treatment, I felt happier.
Let’s just hope that the infection is gone 🙂