I tried to die, but I decided

Describe one habit that brings you joy.

that taking time to appreciate the smallest of positive things each day is far more soulfully lucrative than focusing on all of the negative things from 1998-Now.

It took me a long time to figure out that I was worth living. I mean as recently as even this year to be honest. Am I convinced that I deserve to be alive? No, not yet. I do feel like I deserve to keep fighting though.

“I Tried to Die”

In the shadows deep, I was confined,
Heart heavy, tales of struggle undermined,
Fighting demons within, an eternal bout,
Chronic burdens, an incessant clout.

Seizures, a chaotic dance, unsteady ground,
Digestion's whisper, an eerie sound,
But from the darkness, a transformation began,
A habit took shape, a new life plan.

To seek art in fleeting moments, a subtle scheme,
From '98 to now, a continuous stream,
The negative barrage, a relentless flow,
Yet embracing the light, my spirit did grow.

Hospital walls, a realm of isolation,
255 days etched, a grueling narration,
But in solitude's grasp, a seed took hold,
Valuing life's gems, breaking free from the cold.

A quarter-year's tenure, those sterile walls,
A revelation etched, resilience enthralls,
In hours of trial, strength was mine,
To rise unbound, with purpose to shine.

Now I stand, a fervent flame inside,
Life's drama unfolds, challenges collide,
With newfound self-worth, a resolute stride,
From uncertainty's edge, I choose to ride.

Embracing existence, both grand and slight,
Listening to its whispers, seizing each rite,
In those scattered moments, joy is unfurled,
A tapestry of life, woven, unswirled.

©️ Arwen-Wynter Oakley 2023

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