that taking time to appreciate the smallest of positive things each day is far more soulfully lucrative than focusing on all of the negative things from 1998-Now.
It took me a long time to figure out that I was worth living. I mean as recently as even this year to be honest. Am I convinced that I deserve to be alive? No, not yet. I do feel like I deserve to keep fighting though.
“I Tried to Die”
In the shadows deep, I was confined,
Heart heavy, tales of struggle undermined,
Fighting demons within, an eternal bout,
Chronic burdens, an incessant clout.
Seizures, a chaotic dance, unsteady ground,
Digestion's whisper, an eerie sound,
But from the darkness, a transformation began,
A habit took shape, a new life plan.
To seek art in fleeting moments, a subtle scheme,
From '98 to now, a continuous stream,
The negative barrage, a relentless flow,
Yet embracing the light, my spirit did grow.
Hospital walls, a realm of isolation,
255 days etched, a grueling narration,
But in solitude's grasp, a seed took hold,
Valuing life's gems, breaking free from the cold.
A quarter-year's tenure, those sterile walls,
A revelation etched, resilience enthralls,
In hours of trial, strength was mine,
To rise unbound, with purpose to shine.
Now I stand, a fervent flame inside,
Life's drama unfolds, challenges collide,
With newfound self-worth, a resolute stride,
From uncertainty's edge, I choose to ride.
Embracing existence, both grand and slight,
Listening to its whispers, seizing each rite,
In those scattered moments, joy is unfurled,
A tapestry of life, woven, unswirled.
©️ Arwen-Wynter Oakley 2023