Daily Prompt #15

What are you good at?

Being me.

If this were an affirmation post, I might say:

  • A good friend
  • A good (cat) mom
  • Dedicated Athlete
  • A decent author
  • Good at sports
  • A decent artist
  • Listening and Giving Advice

Truthfully, I struggle with identifying my own strengths. If I were literal, I would say that I am very strong physically. Mentally, I am a work in progress.

I struggle with several mental health disorders, but it often flies under the radar because I have become accustomed to hiding it, or learning how to function in society for whatever duration I need to on any given day. Only to come home and completely melt into my cushy, introverted abode.

Even though I have a physical disability that requires I use a wheelchair or leg braces – my most disabling condition is Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I was diagnosed around age 10 with it, but it is suspected that it began to affect me at the age of 4. It had a lot to do with being the child of a dysfunctional primary family environment wrought with alcohol, drugs, and parties nearly constantly.

My earliest memory in this environment was when my parents were fighting and sat me on the dinner table in between them. They were fighting over me, and each had a hold of an arm. I remember how my shoulders ached from being pulled from either side. As if I were in the Tug-o-War of Divorcees.

In the end, neither wanted me. Which is the most ironic part of it all. I went home to grandma – who, to this day, is my mother.

Aside from GAD, I also manage Autism Spectrum Disorder, specifically Asperger’s. These two combined makes for not only incredible waves of disabling anxiety, but also the inability to express feelings appropriately. This plays into the third and final disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder.

Two of the three conditions were caused by a rocky upbringing, paired with the ASD, and it is exponentially more difficult than simply managing one.

However, I AM GOOD at managing the three.

If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be here. I would have succumbed to the suicidal ideations and left this world. Instead, I am putting in the hard work to manage these conditions and still exist in this beautiful world.

I am GOOD at taking care of me.

One response to “Daily Prompt #15”

  1. Might as well be confident for who you are and be proud you persevered through life. And, I hope you are doing well.

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